Nostalgia
by Kurama no Miko2003
Summary: Hiei had been left alone for centuries, yet late one wintry night, as he reminisces on old regrets, he walks by a cafe where the singer sings a familiar song in a familiar voice. And those emerald eyes . . . mild Shounen-ai, Hiei x Kurama


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or the song "Omoide ga Ippai". I also do not make any money off of writing this piece of fanfiction.

Warnings: Shounen-ai. While it's not blatant, it's there, given the nature of the story. Pairing: Hiei x Kurama (although it's a little different . . .)

AN: So, I was listening to Megumi Ogata's cover of "Omoide ga Ippai" off of her Animegu album. And I must confess (mostly because of the way she was singing the song) that I suddenly got the mental image of Kurama singing it at a night club. But I've also been feeling a little depressed lately, due to recent happenings in my life (check my profile if you want to know) and thus, the idea of one of them reincarnating to meet the other (who had been left behind) seemed rather appealing. Especially since YYH is filled with near-immortal characters (the youkai) in a relationship with some very mortal ones (the humans). The song itself, if you read the lyrics, talks mostly about a girl thinking back to her younger more innocent days. Here, I've reworked them a little to show Hiei thinking back to the days when the group was still together. And one last note: Goes without saying that if you want to listen to the song and read the fic at the same time, go hunt down the Megumi Ogata cover of the song, as that is the version I was listening to while writing it.

Nostalgia

Hiei walked through the blustery streets of the capitol, winter having fully taken hold of Alaric. While it was hardly as cold as the frozen glacier he had been born on, or even the winters he had spent in the Ningenkai during his years of service to Koenma, the wind was still enough to keep him wishing he were indoors. Thinking of his days in Koenma's service brought other memories to mind, memories he would rather remain buried forever. But since when was his mind, let alone Fate, kind enough to let him forget what he wanted to?

* * *

_One day, Kurama had just shown up in Alaric, dressed as he always was in a Chinese tunic and loose pants and shirt, telling Hiei he had permanently moved back to the Makai. That he was done being a human. And as Hiei expected, the kitsune had not changed at all, physically. Mentally, though, he was a different creature altogether._

_Gone was the sometimes aggravatingly cheerful personality the kitsune had in his human guise. In its place was a veneer of sadness that permeated every statement, every sentiment, everything the youko expressed. Hiei had been right in his guess that Minamino Shiori had died at long last, none the wiser that her son was not fully human. And in his attempts to grieve, Kurama had instead chosen to run away from it all, to leave the world that reminded him so much of her. Koenma, of course, could not object. Not after the years of service Kurama had offered, the acts of repentance the kitsune had carried out._

_And as the years ticked by, Hiei found his friend slowly healing and becoming more like himself, like he was in the old days. Or well, the old days in Hiei's eyes. Then the news came that Keiko had passed away from old age, and with that came Yuusuke's return to the Makai. But the Yuusuke that returned was not the Yuusuke Hiei remembered either. He was often moody, depressed. Keiko had been the one holding the ex-Spirit Detective together; she was his rock, his strength._

_A few decades after that came Kuwabara's death, and along with that, Yukina's return to the Makai. His life had been extended because of his talents in reiki manipulation. But he was not a youkai, and thus, had a limited life span. And his, too, came to an end, much too quickly for the youkai in Team Urameshi. Yukina took it the hardest, but so too did Yuusuke and Kurama. For in losing Kuwabara, Yuusuke lost the last of his human foundation; sure the ex-Detective had lived to see five or six generations of his family (Hiei had lost count after two) but without "the old group" there, as the Mazoku lord put it, it was simply not the same. And to Kurama, Kuwabara was both a treasured friend and pupil. The kitsune never forgot that Kuwabara had come to him for training, and that when the chips were down, Kuwabara was one of the youko's most vocal supporters in any fight. And to Hiei, while he would never openly admit it, Kuwabara had been an excellent husband to Yukina. The carrot-topped human truly loved the ice maiden with all his heart, and not once did he ever make her cry. Even at the end, as they parted in the Reikai palace, he begged her not to cry, jokingly telling her that Hiei would find some way to mutilate his soul if she cried._

_And then, the unexpected happened. Kurama came to visit Hiei one day, to tell the fire youkai that he was dying. That his body was giving out from housing the powerful youkai that was now Youko Kurama. And while he could maintain his youko form to reduce some of the stress on the human form, it was only delaying the inevitable. It left Hiei stunned and off-balance, but there was little they could do, and Hiei saw to it that Kurama was comfortably taken care of in Alaric. When the fire youkai was not off taking care of business to make sure the country was running smoothly, he would often visit the national library to bring books to his ailing friend. Yukina visited often, as did Yuusuke, but it was clear in the kitsune's eyes whose company he most appreciated: Hiei's._

_When the kitsune became so weak that he was forced to be bedridden, it was Hiei who read to him, or wheeled the weakened kitsune in a wheelchair out to the garden to let him be among his beloved plants._

_And somewhere during that period of constant care, Hiei realized he loved the kitsune all along, perhaps even from their first meeting so many years ago. When Botan finally came to tell them that it was time, Hiei asked only for a single moment of solitude with his friend. In his friend's ear, he uttered the three simple words that he wished he could have said many years earlier. That he could have realized sooner. That he could have had the courage to say before his friend's final moments._

_And Kurama only smiled a sad knowing smile, as if he, too, regretted not sharing his sentiments sooner, and replied, "I know."_

* * *

Hiei continued to stride down the streets, not minding that while he was lost in his thoughts, so too did his feet continue to wander. He found himself standing by the entrance of a coffee shop, and the beginning of a familiar song met his ears. Slowly, he walked towards the large window, and stopped to listen.

_Furui ARUBUMU no naka ni, kakurete omoide ga ippai_

_Mujaki na egao no shita no, hizuke wa, haruka na MEMORII_

_The pages in this old album are full of hidden memories._

_Under these innocent smiles, it dates back to distant memories._

A solitary female singer sat on the stage, her few band members sitting behind her. A drummer was beating out a slow beat on the rims of his drums while she slowly strummed on a guitar. The bassist provided the deep thrum of the chords, whilst a pianist added delicate warmth to the melody. But that was nothing compared to her voice. The voice was simply too familiar. It was the very same one that haunted Hiei's dreams every night. Dreams of lost chances and dashed hopes. Of knowing smiles and crushing despair.

_Toki wa mugen no tsunagari de, owari o omoi mo shinai ne_

_Te ni todoku uchuu wa, kagirinaku sunde_

_Kimi o tsusuinde ita_

_Time continually flows forever. If it ended, feelings wouldn't die off, would it?_

_The universe that you can reach with your hands is exceedingly clear._

_It will envelop you._

As the fire youkai stood, rooted, he made a closer examination of the singer. It was clear, from the pale alabaster of her skin that seemed to glow in the soft lighting of the stage, that she was a youkai. She wore a simple sleeveless black velvet dress, letting the lighting provide the contrast needed to display her slim figure; it was clear she wanted her voice to attract attention, not her clothing. Delicate hands encased in long velvet gloves gently grasped the microphone. Soft light blue hair – or was it white? It was hard to say given the lighting – gently swished behind her as she swayed to the gentle rhythm of the song.

But it was impossible for her to be the one that haunted the fire youkai's dreams. After all, the owner of that voice was decidedly male, and Kurama was long dead, his soul in whatever afterlife he had earned for himself; the ashes of his body released to the winds so he could forever be a part of the plants he loved so much.

_Otona no kaidan noboru, kimi wa mada SHINDERERA sa_

_Shiawase wa darekaga kitto, hakon de kureru to shinjiteru ne_

_Climbing up the steps to adulthood, you are still Cinderella._

_Fortune will surely come to everyone. Believe that the carriage will bring it about, ok?_

He wanted to run, to leave, and to go anywhere else. But her voice had completely entranced him, reminding him of a song he had not heard in centuries, but his eidetic memory had not let him forget. Near the end, it had been one of the songs Kurama often hummed at night while they looked up at the Makai sky. And when Hiei had asked about the melody, Kurama had sung the lyrics, nostalgia filling his expressive green eyes. And after the kitsune passed away, it had become one of Hiei's favorite memories to replay on cold, lonely nights.

But the memory did not live up to hearing the song, sung by a very similar, if not identical, voice. For even if it _did_ come from some unknown youkai, even if it _did_ dredge up long-buried memories, even if it _did_ bring back old regrets, Hiei wanted to hear that voice once more outside of his memories.

_Shoujo datta to itsu no hi ka, omou toki ga kuru no sa_

_Time will come where you'll wish for the days you were just a young girl._

For above all else, he wanted to be reminded that Kurama had existed, that the kitsune had not been some ethereal dream.

_Kirari komorebi no youna, mabushii omoide ga ippai_

_Hitori dake yokomuku, kinen shashin da ne_

_Koi o yumemiru koro_

_The way sunlight glitters as it filters through the trees is full of dazzling memories._

_You turn to the side by yourself. This was a commemoration photo, wasn't it?_

_For those days where you dreamed of romance._

Wanting to hear her voice more clearly, Hiei stepped into the small shop to order a coffee. How long had it been since he drank that human drink? As he absently pondered that thought, he suddenly heard a clang that was the sound of the microphone dropping. A murmur echoed through the coffee shop at the singer's actions, and suddenly, Hiei realized he was the center of attention as the female youkai stopped next to him, eyes wide.

"It's you . . ." she whispered, "the one in my dreams."

_Garasu no kaidan oriru, garasu no kutsu SHINDERERA sa_

_Odoriba de ashi o tomete, tokei no oto kinishite iru_

_Climbing down the glass steps with glass shoes is Cinderella._

_You stop your feet as you notice the chime of the clock in the ballroom._

The band had continued to play the instrumental backing to the song she was singing, but it was clear she would not be continuing the song anytime soon. "I've seen you in my dreams my whole life."

Hiei wanted to get away; the familiar voice that once spoke to him with such familiarity and gentleness was echoing in his head, but it belonged to someone else.

_Shoujo datta to natsukashiku, furimuku hi ga aru no sa_

_There will be days you'll turn around and miss being just a young girl._

The voice was the same, but it did not belong to the one he remembered. This shell was nothing like the graceful and elegant kitsune that haunted his dreams. Fate, Hiei decided then and there, was being particularly cruel to him tonight. Knowing that he would be unable to sleep any time soon tonight, he rose to leave anyway. Coming in to listen had been a bad idea.

_Otona no kaidan noboru, kimi wa mada SHINDERERA sa_

_Shiawase wa darekaga kitto, hakon de kureru to shinjiteru ne_

_Climbing up the steps to adulthood, you are still Cinderella._

_Fortune will surely come to everyone. Believe that the carriage will bring it about, ok?_

As he turned away to leave, the singer grabbed his arm. "I-I'm sorry if I was too forward." Once again, that same voice, this time with that same apologetic tone Kurama always took near the end of his life for burdening Hiei with the task of caring for him. Present and past swam in Hiei's mind, and as he looked up at the girl, he briefly saw Kurama's concerned visage overlap hers instead. Since when did Kurama speak like a girl?

Hiei shook his head, and as he did so, the girl came into focus again. "My name is Miyuki."

"Beautiful . . . fortune," Hiei muttered under his breath. Beauty and wealth _were_ the two things the Legendary Thief had been remembered for.

_Shoujo datta to itsu no hi ka, omou toki ga kuru no sa_

_Shoujo datta to natsukashiku, furimuku hi ga aru no sa_

_Time will come where you'll wish for the days you were just a young girl._

_There will be days you'll turn around and miss being just a young girl._

"Tell me, why do I keep on seeing the memories of another in my dreams? Why do I dream of being a scarlet haired human that housed the spirit of a youko?"

And in that one moment, Hiei remember exactly why that song sounded so familiar.

* * *

_He had caught Kurama staring off into the sunset one day while he was visiting in the Ningenkai. The kitsune's homework lay open on his desk, and the wind from the window fluttered through the pages, but he paid it no attention. A pleasantly soft song played in the background, singing of nostalgia for a time long passed. "Fox, what are you thinking about? It's unlike you to be so distracted that you miss someone approaching. What if I was an enemy?"_

"_Oh, Hiei!" Kurama cheerfully greeted, startled out of his thoughts. Sending the fire youkai an appreciative smile, he said, "I'll remember that in the future, Hiei. I was just thinking about the future."_

"_There _is_ no future for people like us."_

_A sad smile graced the kitsune's lips. "Perhaps. But I'd like to think that was not the case." Here, the youko paused, as though he were considering something. Hiei shifted uncomfortably; the air had suddenly become charged between them, and he desperately wanted to get away to avoid it._

_A flash of something – Hiei could not decipher it – went through Kurama's eyes before he put on his usual smile turned to stand. "So Hiei, what can I do for you?"_

_

* * *

_Now, looking back, Hiei knew exactly what Kurama had been pondering that day. Slowly, he opened his mouth. "Miyuki . . . was it?"

"Yes?" She turned to look at him, a questioning look in her large vibrant green eyes. Hiei had to look away. How had he missed that they were such a vibrant shade of green before? That same shade of green as those eyes he never thought he would see again?

"Come with me. And I will tell you everything." Hiei held out an old faded photo. "I'm sure you've seen the others in this picture."

"H-how did you know?" she asked, stunned.

Taking a deep breath, the Jaganshi had to remind himself that this was not Kurama he was speaking to, but another. A girl, with his voice and his eyes. Perhaps Fate was not being cruel to him tonight. Perhaps he had finally been dealt the key to happiness. "Because I knew you, once."

End

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